The non-writing part of writing

And so. The dreaded, soul-wrenching, ego-flattening, must-not-despair phase of this writing biz is upon me.

Welcome to the Querying Phase.

Beware: This is not for the faint of heart. Or the large of ego. Or the thin of skin.

Enter at your own risk.

Quite honestly, if I could skip this phase altogether and just magically have my book published and making me just enough of a living that I never have to work full-time in an office again… Well, you get the idea… If I could skip this all, I would. There are few things I can think of that are more terrifying and potentially dream-crushing. Rationally, I know the rejections will come and that’s ok. Because my book will not appeal to everyone. And, again, that’s ok. To each his own. On to the next one. Etcetera.

The thing is, while I know all this through Reason, I know myself, and I know that once those rejections start trickling in, it’s going to be really effing hard to keep myself motivated, focused. And not depressed. While rationally I’ll just do my best to plod along, I know that inside, my self-confidence will be taking quite the pummeling.

And while I tell myself over and over and over again that Plan B does not carry the stigma it once did, I hope hope hope I don’t have to use it. Hope that the right agent sees my query at the right time and I don’t need to use Plan B to get my work out there. Enough time and soul has gone into it and I just refuse to just let it fester in my hard drive, I’ll do what needs to be done… But it’s early times yet.

For now, I’m just starting to send my bookbaby into the world, one query at a time… Bookbaby steps…

And so, it begins. First, the agonizing over the query itself. Then, researching agents and choosing a few. Then… Clicking the dreaded “send” button. And waiting. And trying to not hope too hard or obsess too hard because–rationally, again–I know it’s pointless. But will that really keep me from hoping and obsessing? Yah. A lot easier said than done. At least I have a trilogy conclusion to write and a middle book to edit (and a puppy to cuddle), so hopefully I can keep my mind off things as much as I can.

Gawd. I hate this part.


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